Story Problem:

If Pam drinks 4 days per week and is dry 3 days per week, how is her drinking window 72 hours and her dry window 96 hours?

Answer:

'Cuz she starts drinking Friday evening but is done by the same time Monday evening leaving her dry from Monday evening through Friday evening.

I know.  It blows my stoner mind.  Like the time my yoga teacher said, "Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self."  Still smoking that one.

So my last post led to some great chats in my room this past weekend.

Isn't fish meat?  Yes.  I consider all animal protein meat.  Eggs too, which are not dairy.  The grade school pyramid was wrong.  Dairy comes from the milk of an animal.  Some would call me a vegetarian, but I disagree.  Pescetarian.

I don't think vegan or vegetarian or pescetarian or paleo is morally or nutritionally better than the other.  Different animals and sexes have different nutritional needs.  I can't exactly go up to Yoda and say, "Here.  Have some grains and vegetables.  Mommy's a vegan now," without getting a peg legged slap across the face.  My husband is a male human (because a sheep turned me down).  He does much better on paleo, having beef, lamb, poultry, fish and eggs, with fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts.

Here's how I see it.  In an end times scenario, let's pretend the dollar has tanked, the grocery stores have been looted, it's every Pam for herself.  I wouldn't be able to take down an elk or deer or bunny rabbit (they're delicious), kill, gut and clean it (but I can suck the cock of someone who can...pretty sure that's how blow jobs came about).  There are some women who are that in touch with their inner amazon, but they're probably deployed somewhere in the Middle East.  Actually many of them live here in Oregon.  The hottest 19 year old barista EVER saw a deer on the side of the road that had been hit by a car but was still alive and suffering, so she pulled over, took out her machete (we all have at least 2) and slit its throat.  That's some hardcore shit.  I could dig you some clams, but that's about it, though in a survival situation I could probably start a fire without matches or a lighter.  Most stoners can, as well as turn any piece of fruit into a pipe.

I really am going to take up fly fishing for food.  Ned Stark said it best...the Pam who passes the sentence should swing the sword.  If I can't catch, kill, gut, clean and cook it myself, then I shouldn't eat it.

But I am going to add a small amount of dairy back into my diet...specifically FETA.  Not from cow milk, but from goat (I've read that goat milk is easier for humans to digest than cow, and I believe it. Thank you cystic acne).  The time I missed drinking the most during Dryuary was when I was preparing dinner, having bread (I bake my own now!), kalamata olives, wine and feta.  But if I'm going to do that, I need to know where it's coming from, the farming practices, how the goats are treated, everything.  Thankfully, my favorite goat dairy is just a stoner road trip away, not too far from Napa Valley.  I'll be visiting them during their next open house, and swing by a few organic wineries for tastings.  I LOVE the hippie dippy west coast!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYpfK-GXJ9c

My mom won't let me have a pet goat.  Says it'll eat the vineyard.  Which really sucks because I would love to make my own feta and Greek yogurt.  I would name her Tzatziki...get her a husband named Melvin.  I used to have pet goats...Lesbian Nubians...Sally and Gertrude...we got 'em to clear acres of blackberries.  Those cute little tractors can swallow anything [insert goat porn joke here], which means my mom is right (grrrrr).  No pet goats.  But they're SO CUTE!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLTwTsh9FfI

I'm looking forward to my Mediterranean picnic...homemade bread, fruit, olives, feta and so much wine that Alex Trebeck starts to look hot...

This week's feature will go nicely.  I discovered it last weekend.  It's getting a callback.

Chateau Routas Rosé, a dry rosé from the Provence region of France, made from the varietals cinsault, grenache and syrah.  I have so much fun looking at where a winery is on Google Maps.  I'm manifesting a French wine tasting vacation for "research purposes".  This winery would definitely be on my visit list.  That makes 2 so far...Gerard Betrand in Languedoc and now Chateau Routas in Provence.

http://www.chateauroutas.com/files/7314/5035/0807/RouviereRose2015.pdf

I wish I had descriptors for you, but I was enjoying it so much I forgot to write them down, and my short term memory is shot to shit (will have them for you next week).  It was definitely a standout.  I've had 2 other rosés in the past 2 weeks, but they did not make my list.  Both tasted like church wine, which reminded me of Sunday Mass.  I suddenly had the urge to be kneeling, which happens even with good rosé, but for other reasons...the kind that'll get you a side of elk...

Au Revoir!