So the rosé was delicious.  It tasted like baby aspirin, strawberry Starburst and Pez (like from the dispensers), and it had an aroma of new ballet slippers.  Any dancers out there?  Remember that smell?  Maybe it was the because I was high and it was pink, but I could've sworn I was smelling the soft leather of a Capezio store.  I've only smelled leather in dark reds, but this rosé is made from cinsault, grenache, and syrah, all reds, so maybe that had something to do with it, but I'm guessing it's the former.

I forgot to mention I live on my parents' pinot noir vineyard here in Oregon.  Long story for another time, they have me here managing and taking care of it with my husband (meaning my husband takes care of it and I wave from the window).  We (he) have (has) a lot to learn in a short time as pinot noir is one of the hardest grapes to grow.  To be honest, at first I wasn't crazy about pinot noir.  California's tastes like strawberry Kool-Aid, Oregon's tastes like dark cherry Kool-Aid.  It's too lady like.  A little boring.  I like spicy and interesting.  Then I discovered Badger Mountain Pinot Noir.  They're an organic vineyard and winery in Kennewick, WA in the Columbia Valley, but this is made with 100% organic Oregon pinot noir grapes from the southern side of the Columbia River.

http://www.badgermtnvineyard.com/

It was so spicy!  Medium-bodied, dark cherry flavor, soft tannins, it kept me interested through the finish (and only $9.99 at Costco!).  I wish I'd bought 2 cases because it was sold out when I went back.  It's sold out on Badger Mountain's website too.  They only made 2000 cases.  Dammit.  I cannot wait for the 2015 to be released.



Now onto vodka because I'm craving cocktails this weekend.

In my quest for all things organic, Oregon does not disappoint.  I was at my local liquor store looking for an organic vodka and as I was picking up a beautiful Portland specimen, the sales guy came over, saw what I was holding, picked up another bottle and said, "This is an amazing vodka."  I desperately searched for an organic label, but couldn't find one.  "Like it's really good."  I was feeling the pressure.  "You ought to try it."  Dammit.  Now I HAD to buy his vodka or I'd be rude.  I begrudgingly bought it as someone else said, "That's a really good vodka."  Grrrrrrrrrrr.  I had it over the weekend, but having not had vodka in a long while I had nothing to compare it to.  It was odorless, very smooth with no alcohol burn.  I tried 3 more Oregon vodkas that month and turns out he was right.  It was my favorite vodka of the 4, and while it's not organic, it's pretty damn close.

http://oregonspiritdistillers.com/

Vodkas can be distilled from all sorts of things...potatoes, corn, wheat.  Up until now my favorite vodka was Grey Goose.  I never understood why until I stumbled upon this clip.  If you love Grey Goose and have 3 minutes, CLICK THIS LINK:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Teyb9BSCwTY

Turns out Oregon Spirit Vodka is also made from winter wheat, just like Grey Goose (the other 3 were made from corn).

I love wheat. I'm back on wheat after years without thanks to Amy Schumer.  All she had to say was "Remember bread?" and I was like "Yes!  YES Amy Schumer.  I do!  I remember bread.  I want some fucking bread!"  I'd been paleo for awhile.  Since switching to a Mediterranean diet with bread and pasta I've never been happier, my skin has never been clearer and my moods have never been better.  Yeah, fuck paleo.  There's a reason the phrase is Skinny Bitch.

As a 39 year old cam model, I get a lot of roleplay requests.  One of the most popular with the young guns is their old babysitter (whom they run into in the wine section of Costco.  I added that last part..to set the scene).  Out of that came my Naughty Babysitter cocktail line based on some old standards aiming for as little added sugar as possible.  Vodka has 97 calories per shot.  It's what you mix it with that determines the conversation you have with your bathroom scale.

Assume the word organic precedes each ingredient.

The Kermit: 1 shot vodka, 1 shot freshly squeezed lime juice, 1 shot green juice (cold pressed green apple, celery, cucumber, spinach), shaken with ice, strained...on your third one you must drink it while listening to The Rainbow Connection without crying.

The Miss Piggy: 2 shots vodka, 1 shot cold pressed cranberry juice, 2 shots spring water, on the rocks

The Gonzo: 2 shots vodka, fresh blueberries, ice, blended

The Animal: 2-3 shots vodka (depending on your hangover), homemade tomato juice, Himalayan salt, fresh squeezed lemon, 2 advil

The Big Bird: 1 shot vodka, 1 shot freshly squeezed lemon juice, 2 shots spring water, shaken with ice, strained

The Count: 3 shots vodka, fresh blackberries, ice, blended (you must count out the shots saying 1 bwah ha ha...2 bwah ha ha...3 bwah ha ha...if you feel the need for more vodka, go for it...just continue counting in his voice).

The Oscar the Grouch: 1 straight chilled shot vodka (pounded), chased by 1 shot cold pressed kale juice. Feel free to reverse the order...as long as your least favorite is last...then go sit by yourself in a garbage can or dumpster.


I'm very excited for the work weekend.  My shows will be fueled by Grey Goose and Oregon Spirit.  Vodka makes most women very slutty.  Not as slutty as rum, where we go from zero to anal in 2 doubles, but definitely more "adventurous" than beer or wine.  Good rule of penis: Don't even think about going near her butt unless hard liquor is involved.

Have a great weekend!