Isn't it funny how the sight of a wonderful wine can bring you back to a miserable memory of your past?

I was in the wine section of a fancy pants grocery store (which I'm no longer intimidated by because they tend to have good wines at EVERY price point, even $10 or less) the other day and there it was...the wine that got me through the worst weeks of my life on vacation in Estonia.

Before we go to the dark side, I want to say that Chilean wines are one of the best kept secrets in the wine industry.  Wine by the glass lists often feature many of them as the quality is high and the price is low.  I love Cono Sur wines so much I've decided to manifest a trip to Chile just to visit their winery.

www.conosur.com

The European vinifera grapevine was first brought to South America by the Spanish conquistadors.  Like Washington's Columbia Valley, Chile is one of three places producers can plant on their original vitus vinifera rootstock, the other being Tasmania (Incidentally, my folks are considering buying a winery in Tasmania.  Remember when I said, 'Who the fuck goes to Tasmania?'  Me.  Apparently me.  Weed had better be legal...).

Chile has very little precipitation, making fungal disease less of an issue, while the snow capped Andes Mountains provide the vineyards with all the irrigation water they want.  Combined with plenty of sunshine and no phylloxera, Chile is a viticultural paradise.  These conditions also make organic viticulture easier (hooray!).  Cono Sur has an organic line, but to be honest I prefer their sustainable ones (shhhhhhhh...).

So here's why the vacation was so bad...

I'm a bipolar bear (I hate when people say 'She's bipolar.'  What the fuck does that even mean?  Do they say 'She's depression?'  'She's schizophrenia?'  No.  But for some stupid fucking reason, 'bipolar' is used to describe the person, as well as the illness.  It makes more sense to say someone is a manic depressive.  That at least describes a person.  I am no longer in a state of disorder.  So why am I still 'bipolar'?  Whatever.  Til we figure it out, I'm a bipolar bear.  Where was I?  Oh yes...)

Par for the course, I had stopped taking my meds 2 years earlier, thinking I could solve the problem with bioidentical hormone replacement therapy (I love you Suzanne Somers), supplements, yoga and meditation.  They helped a little bit, but didn't solve the problem.

I wasn't sleeping, my bro and I weren't getting along ('You became an asshole after you got your tits done.'  'Hey...fuck you...I was ALWAYS an asshole').  The physical pain was excruciating.  I don't know quite how to describe it.  Just know that shaving my head and jumping off a balcony would've brought relief.  When I saw the Cono Sur wine the other day, I actually FELT the pain again.  Then I bought it, drank it, and the pain went away.

It is beyond frustrating no one ever seems to know the cause of bipolar disorder (not even my shrinks!), they just focus on the symptoms.

Luckily, the men in my chat room (and life) had been driving me so bat shit crazy, I picked up a copy of John Gray's 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'.

And I'm so glad I did.  First of all, it was nice to finally have permission to acknowledge men and women are different.  Thanks to feminism, I've been taught my whole life that men and women are equal.  This may surprise you, but I'm good at math.  Got 700 on my math SATs.  Equal means the same.  HOW CAN WE BE EQUAL???  WE ARE NOT THE SAME!!!  We have different bodies, different brains, we don't fuck the same way, we can't drink the same way (motherfucker), but I digress...

I found this on his website.

http://www.marsvenus.com/blog/john-gray/what-is-bipolar-disorder-or-manic-depression

Armed with this new information and his encouragement (twitter), I made it home (barely), got back on my meds (not lithium), and am feeling better.  Eventually, I can head in the direction of his treatment plan.  I know I'm not out of the woods yet (dammit...now I have that Taylor Swift song stuck in my head), far from it, but I'm out of the danger zone (GODDAMMIT...now I'm picturing Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer playing shirtless volleyball...competing with Sylvester Stallone and Carl Weathers frolicking in the waves for gayest scene ever...).

Aaaaaaaaand now I have the Rocky theme in my head...and the overwhelming urge to watch Predator.

Oh!  That reminds me.  The best portrayal of bipolar disorder I have EVER seen is Claire Danes in Homeland (Predator...Arnold Schwarzeneggar...Terminator 3...Claire Danes).

She is BRILLIANT.  So many times my jaw has hit the floor and I've looked around for cameras. Whether she's having a meltdown in her closet, or washing her meds down with chardonnay, she masterfully illuminates the highs and lows and everythings in between that make up the daily struggles in the life of a bipolar bear.

And if I could ever meet Carrie Mathison in person, I'd only have one question for her.

Have you tried Chilean wines???